


We laid underneath the stars, strung out and feeling brave.

by oathkeptroxas



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Boyfriends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Impulse Control, Loss, Self-Doubt, Spoilers, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 13:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: | The first three episodes of season 3 - except Keith & Lance are in an established relationship.Or, alternatively: Lance being Keith's impulse control is my weakness and season 3 cured my depression. |“Just like that, huh?” Keith smiled tenderly and reached a hand up to push Lance’s hair back.“What? Did you want to grovel?” Lance teased, and Keith loved him. “I know things have been hard for you, I know your communication skills suck, so, yeah, I forgive you.”





	We laid underneath the stars, strung out and feeling brave.

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this immediately after i finished binge-watching season 3 the day it came out, and i've been writing it every day since holy fuck, but i love these two!! they're so cute!! I hope you guys like it!!

_ "Last time I talked to you, _

_ You were lonely and out of place. _

_ You were looking down on me, _

_ Lost out in space." _

**Somewhere Out There | Our Lady Peace.**

* * *

 

It had been a long, tiring few weeks with no end in sight. The team were barely keeping it together, trying their hardest to get by, to make do, to go through the motions and act like nothing was different. Every day was a step-by-step run through. They were working as five -  _ four  _ \- separate lions, dodging all mention of Voltron. They were in shambles, but they hid it well. Keith had scoured every corner, inspected all remaining debris, but the battle was long over, and the part of the galaxy where it had taken place now housed nothing but stars.

Still no sign of Shiro. The more time passed, the more determined Keith became. He was rapidly approaching his breaking point. If he were to admit defeat, to give in and accept that Shiro was gone, he’d also have to step up, to acknowledge the responsibility that Shiro had entrusted to him. He wasn’t ready. He doubted he ever would be.

He’d not spoken a word about what Shiro had asked of him, not even to Lance, it was as if he felt that to speak the words aloud, to make someone else aware, was to accept it as a possibility. He didn’t want to pilot Black. He loved Red, they were kindred spirits, he was the embodiment of everything the red paladin should be. He was impulsive, quick on his feet, a sleek and daring pilot, acted on instinct, and most importantly: he was proud to be Shiro’s right hand. He’d looked up to Shiro for as long as he could remember. Shiro was his brother, his mentor, his idol. Keith was destined for Red.

This all-consuming need to save Shiro, and the desperate hopelessness that only continued to suffocate him with increasing severity with each passing hour, had caused Keith to become even further closed off. He’d always been someone who felt he was better off alone, he always overthought and wallowed in his own company. He’d gotten a lot better since finding Voltron, he’d been far more able to open up and trust, especially since the whole thing with Lance. 

His feelings for Lance had crept up on him, a fondness that had grown over time and caught him unaware. It was a warm and tender intensity that was so wholly different to anything he’d experienced before. Shiro and Lance were the most important people in the world to him, for polar opposite reasons. Shiro was his rock, a constant, the only family he had left, someone who offered guidance and support, a pillar of strength whenever he needed it. Lance was something different entirely, the first time Keith had ever felt something romantic, something yearning. Lance brought out parts of him he hadn’t known himself.

Losing Shiro had been a devastating blow. He’d truly believed that Shiro had been the one person who he could always count on. Being without his leadership had taken it’s toll on them all, but none more so than Keith. It made him feel vulnerable, flayed open. Keith felt Shiro’s absence like a gaping hole, a distance between him and the other paladins. They’d all been off since it had happened, each of them treading on eggshells, unaware of how to approach the topic, none of them knew how best to confront and comfort. 

Keith had been avoiding Lance, it hurt too much to see the soft pity, the unwavering concern in his eyes. Keith had always been alone, he knew how to internalize his feelings, how to keep people at arm's length. It was known. It was safe. It was predictable. In some fucked-up, self-sabotaging way Keith believed it was better to push people away than it was to have them leave him. Lance was paying for that now. Keith’s grief and anger and helplessness had driven a wedge between them, a chasm that Keith never allowed Lance the opportunity to cross. Neither of them could remember the last time they’d spent any time alone. They were always with the others now, on opposite sides of the room, avoiding eye contact and making indirect communication, if any at all.

On Lance’s part, he felt exceedingly unprepared. A part of him wanted nothing more than to push, to force down Keith’s defences and tell him:  _ ‘I’m still here, dammit! You can’t just give up on us! You don’t get to do this!’ _ but another part of him felt worn down, exhausted by everything that had happened, felt inadequate. Maybe he wasn’t enough for Keith, at least not enough to make a difference, couldn’t be what he needed. Things had been going so well for them, they each had their issues and bad habits and coping mechanisms, but they’d been around each other enough now to recognize each other’s tells. Keith had a tendency to bury his feelings, lock up tight and seethe in silence, and was known to lash out at the slightest provocation whenever he got into that state. Lance was the polar opposite, he would distract himself with small-talk, project a sense of confidence he didn’t actually possess, string together flirtations and quips so that no one could see how badly he was floundering. These surface perceptions of them would have people wondering how they could ever possibly work, but underneath it all, they were just two boys from the same place, who wanted the same things, and had been drawn to each other.

\--

The missions with Hunk had been exactly what Lance needed. It was a welcome distraction to go out and do some good, in any capacity. Hunk was Lance’s best friend, the one he’d known the longest, the one he’d trusted with his life long before his life had ever actually been in jeopardy. Getting to be a hero with Hunk by his side, was a desperately needed reprieve from the tension that was stifling the team. The adrenaline of a victory was enough to help Lance forget the uncertainty of Voltron’s future, if only for a little while. 

The admiration of the locals was a novel thing, but heart-warming, like a balm for wounds that Lance hadn’t even known he’d had. It felt good to feel wanted, appreciated, helpful. He’d be lying if he were to say the concept of celebrity and hero didn’t also have their own immense appeal, if only in a superficial sort of way. 

The selfies were somewhat of a keepsake, a memento of their success. When the war was over, if he ever returned home, he wanted to have ways to remember these moments. Plus, the admiration of adoring fans was something he’d never believed he’d ever receive, but had often fantasized about. Who wouldn’t want to document the occasion? But things turned sour rather abruptly, the people wanted something they couldn’t provide, and neither Lance or Hunk had any experience with public speaking, with diplomacy. They had no idea how to placate the masses. It had been an awkward but hasty retreat.

Knowing Lance as well as Hunk did meant that the yellow paladin was fully aware of just how much of Lance’s behaviour had been for show, just how much Lance had revelled in the distraction, used it to divert attention from the troubles at hand. 

“Things’ll work out, y’know,” he murmured over the comms as they made their way back to the castle.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Lance replied after a moment.

Hunk sighed, and though he was never one to stick his nose in where it wasn’t wanted, was never one to step on anyone’s toes, he couldn’t help but suggest, “Maybe you should just try to talk to him.”

There was no question of who Hunk was referring to. Though the other paladins were surprised by Lance and Keith’s blossoming relationship, they’d taken to the idea quite well, and despite the loss of Shiro weighing heavily on all of them, the rift between the two hadn’t gone unnoticed. Lance was so sick and tired of the tension, the sadness that had taken up residence amongst them. Lance wished he were able to reach out and soothe and know that Keith would meet him halfway, but that just wasn’t feasible. He was so tired of being rejected, because how else could he take Keith’s behaviour? His boyfriend had barely spoken a word to him in weeks, and he’d tried to be patient, to give him space, but this was getting ridiculous.

\--

They converged together, the absence of voltron was becoming a problem, word was bound to spread, and their window of time to organize themselves was closing in on them rapidly. It wasn’t something any of them were ready to face, but in retrospect, perhaps they never would be ready, they just had to be willing. They all sat around, offering little in the way of suggestions. Lance eyed Keith, the furthest away from him out of everyone else in the room. Every time Keith’s gaze landed on Lance, it flitted away, refused to linger, and Lance had had enough. He turned to Pidge, scrolling through the photos he’d collected, talking up his celebrity, trying valiantly to get some kind of reaction from Keith, anything was better than nothing. It didn’t work. Conversation moved on.

It was hard to hear the mourning in Keith’s voice. He was a boy of few words, but the soft sadness evident as he spoke was the result of real hurting. Everyone was so concerned with Voltron, so worried about what it would mean for the fate of the universe, what the rebels and victims would do without Voltron’s influence. But for Keith, Voltron wasn’t a priority. He just wanted his brother back. A part of him felt betrayed, alone amongst these people who he’d grown to call friends, even family. How could they sit around talking about Voltron as if it was their greatest loss? As if Shiro had been a means to an end?

He rejected the idea that anyone else could take Shiro’s place. “Shiro was the one person who never gave up on me,” he told them, like that explained everything. And a part of him knew that wasn’t entirely true, despite their ups and downs, none of his team had ever given up on him. But, Shiro was different, Shiro had known him before. Shiro had cared for him before he was ⅕ of Voltron. The way that they were talking about Shiro now, made Keith wonder if perhaps all of the relationships they’d formed were a product of circumstance. They cared because they needed each other, because they were five parts of one whole. It wasn’t personal. But then his eyes flickered briefly to Lance, and he couldn’t take it. He stormed away, made an abrupt exit, halting the discussion in the process.

This had been simmering for far too long. It was only a matter of time before Keith reached his limit. Couldn’t these people let them  _ breathe? _ Why did they have to go around acting like they weren’t grieving? Why were they lying to the very people they wanted to trust them? And for what? To continue this charade where they pretended they weren’t missing something vital? These people expected them to fight for them, for the whole universe, but didn’t want to afford them the respect and decency to recuperate after suffering such a blow? Keith didn’t understand why these people deserved to be fought for. He knew he was putting their entire alliance, their whole crusade in jeopardy but he just couldn’t stop the venom from coming out. He didn’t care what was said to the masses, they could tell them whatever they wanted. It wouldn’t bring Voltron back. He’d lost count of how many rooms he’d strided out of, how many outbursts he’d made, how many conversations he’d cut short.

\--

When the team found him not long after, Keith was staring at the black lion. He thought about what Shiro had asked of him, and how much he wished there was a way around it. Under all his hurt and anger and resentment, the logical part of Keith knew what had to be done, that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it. 

The rest of the team looked to Lance, knowing that if Keith were to listen to any of them, it would be him. Lance wanted to tell them how bad things had been as of late, wanted to explain that Keith barely looked at him anymore, but now wasn’t the time for self-pity. With a deep breath he squared his shoulders and approached his boyfriend. He was thankful his friends had his back, were ready to support within seconds. Even though Keith softened, his whole demeanor deflating before them in an obvious show that they were getting through to him, he still didn’t address Lance directly, still refused to make eye contact. It was really starting to wear Lance down. Nevertheless, they resolved as a team to work this out, the universe needed Voltron. It was time.

Shiro had been their leader, the best of them. They all had their parts to play, were secure in their roles. To try and replace Shiro would be to uproot the entire dynamic. It was doomed to fail. But, still, they contemplated it. They dissected each of their strengths. Coran was the first to suggest Keith. Keith had stood away from the group, lent against the far wall, wanting to distance himself from the conversation. He didn’t want to be leader. He didn’t want to replace Shiro. He didn’t want to be responsible for them. He hadn’t been responsible for anything other than himself ever before in his whole life, and his people skills were practically nonexistent. 

“Keith would be the worst leader,” Lance rebutted. 

Keith wasn’t offended, it was the truth. Lance’s ability to always call things as he saw them was one of the things Keith loved about him. No bullshit, just direct honesty. He knew that Lance wasn’t judging him, wasn’t implying there was anything bad or wrong about Keith not being leader material, he was simply pointing out that leadership wasn’t something that Keith was cut out for, wasn’t even something that Keith  _ wanted _ . It was something that Keith himself had said numerous times, Lance had been a shoulder to cry on, had been a witness to enough of Keith’s venting that he knew that. 

Then, Keith scoffed, made a quip in direct response to Lance talking himself up. It had been instinctive, a knee-jerk tenderness that bubbled forth in reaction to Lance’s goofing around. Lance’s head snapped up, catalogued the soft smile that Keith aimed at him, and for a moment a warmth spread through his ribs. This was the first hint of affection or amusement that Keith had shown since Shiro had been taken, and Lance was so happy he was the one to bring it out in him, but just as soon as that feeling came, it vanished. It left behind a kindling irritation, an indignant fury. 

After everything that they'd been through, after weeks of acting like there was nothing between them, Keith thought he could look at him like that, with that aching tenderness, and that Lance would just play along? Just fall in line? The retort that came spewing forth was of its own accord. 

Immediately the warmth disappeared from Keith’s eyes, a flicker of hurt came and went, masked by a careful blankness that Lance had become accustomed to. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh, he was just so frustrated, felt so helpless. But, if Keith truly believed for a second that Lance had meant it, if Keith didn’t know by now that Lance would follow him anywhere, then perhaps he didn’t know Lance very well after all.

That’s when the truth came out. Keith had been so caught off guard by Lance’s hostility, hadn’t expected it from him of all people. The need to defend himself was instinctive, and without conscious thought he blurted “ _ That’s just what Shiro wanted!”  _ And then they knew. But ultimately, it didn’t matter what any of them wanted, they couldn’t make the lions do anything.

\--

One by one they presented themselves before the black lion. Each of them waiting for a resolution they had no guarantee would ever come. Lance sat in the cockpit, in the dim light, and a part of him wanted almost desperately to become leader. It wasn’t through any real desire to replace Shiro or to actually pilot Black, but rather, over the recent weeks, since Shiro’s loss and since Keith’s distancing himself, Lance had once again begun to question his place, his worth. If he could get the validation of the most important lion, then his place amongst the team would be cemented. He wanted desperately to be given a reason to stop doubting himself. But, eventually, he had to admit defeat.

Just when they thought it was hopeless, the lion rumbled to life, Keith stepped out of its jaws, his face crestfallen and shoulders slumped. He’d never wanted this. Though Keith’s desire to remain with red was obvious, none of them had anticipated that he would attempt to reject the honour that was bestowed upon him. Enough was enough, Lance stepped forward. He cupped a hand atop of Keith’s shoulder, and the soft gasp of surprise that Keith let out at the contact tore through him. It had been so long since they’d even touched. He ached to reach out and embrace, but he doubted such a move would be welcome. But, finally,  _ finally _ , Keith met his gaze head on, and what Lance saw in his eyes was heartbreaking. He should have reached out sooner, he should have tried a little harder to get Keith to open up. If he had known just how badly this was plaguing him, perhaps the prior blow-out would never have happened. He tried to smile, offer words of support, but it sounded so clinical, impersonal. There was nothing to be done. Keith was leader now.

\--

After all was said and done, Lance caught up with Keith some time later. He couldn’t stop thinking about that haunted look he’d seen in Keith’s eyes, and it gnawed at him to know that Keith must have been feeling that lost this whole time, and Lance had had no idea. Every time Keith had avoided eye contact, that desolation was what he’d been hiding. Lance knew he couldn’t let this go on much longer, he’d have to make the first move, hope that he hadn’t taken too long, that it wasn’t too late.

He stepped into the training arena, and turned off the simulator that Keith was in the midst of. Keith’s head whipped around, his sweat-drenched hair was plastered to his face and the nape of his neck, and he looked outraged by the interruption. But upon spotting Lance, his shoulders dropped, and his gaze immediately sought the ground. Lance just wanted this to be over.

“Can we talk?” Lance began hesitantly, stepping forward.

Keith’s eyes closed tightly for a moment and he took a long, steadying breath. “I guess,” he finally responded.

Lance tried to not let the lack of enthusiasm get to him. He’d never expected this to be smooth sailing. He believed that this wasn’t personal, Keith was just hurting and projecting. “Keith, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. I know that it’s a lot to process, and being the leader was the last thing you wanted, but, we’re a team. We all need to be there for each other if we’re gonna get through this. And me? I’m here for you.” Lance’s breath hitched, he had to take a moment before he could continue. “I’m trying here, Keith. I’ve tried giving you space, waiting for you to come to me. I don’t know what you want me to do.”

Keith met his gaze then, that same heartbreaking expression, and he just looked for a long time. The he looked away, allowed his hair to fall in his eyes. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” He spoke softly, as though unsure. The tense way he held himself and his refusal to meet Lance’s eyes was setting off alarm bells that Lance hadn’t known he had.

“What’d you mean? What’s a bad idea?” Lance asked carefully, but Keith just closed his eyes, his lips trembled. Lance felt a sickening weight in his gut. “You….You mean  _ us _ ?”

Keith didn’t respond for the longest time, and Lance could feel his hands begin to shake. No. He couldn’t deal with this. Keith couldn’t do this. He stared unseeingly, praying that he was wrong, that Keith would tell him that what they had could never be bad. Lance couldn’t bare to be just another in Keith’s long list of mistakes and regrets. But, Keith said nothing. 

“No,” Lance pleaded. “Keith,  _ don’t do this. _ ”

The desolation in his voice must have caught Keith off guard. The resounding desperate sadness in Lance’s face must have been obvious, and Keith couldn’t look away. A variety of emotions flickered in rapid succession in Keith’s eyes, and Lance couldn’t pin down a single one of them.

“Pidge was right...I’m better off alone,” Keith finally murmured.

“That’s not what they meant! And you know it, Keith!” Lance burst out, desperate and aggravated and hurting. “How could you even think that?”

“How could I…?” Keith trailed off with a sad little scoff. “Everyone leaves me eventually. I’ve got  _ nothing _ outside of this. We all got our parts to play, right? We need to form voltron. Fine. But, in the end, I got nothing. Everyone always leaves…. _ everyone _ except-...except Shiro! And now he’s gone, too.” Keith tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill. His voice cracked and he brought his arms up to wrap around himself. He hadn’t allowed himself to break thus far.

Lance took another step forward, wanted to erase the distance between them, couldn’t bare to see Keith hurting. Finally, when Keith was within reach, Lance’s hand cupped his elbow. Lance grasped at Keith’s arm and got him to open up. If was as if Keith had been waiting for permission, or maybe as though he’d finally given up the tentative hold he’d had on his self-restraint. He fell into Lance’s chest as sobs came, his hands gripped tightly in the back of Lance’s shirt. Lance buried a hand in the sweaty hair at Keith’s neck and dropped a kiss to his crown.

“Shiro didn’t leave you. He was taken,” Lance whispered into Keith’s hair. “He never would have left you by choice. Everyone here cares so much about you, Keith. It’s not just about Voltron, you gotta know that.”

Keith just sobbed harder and Lance held him just a little bit tighter. “You can’t make me leave you. You might think it’s easier to end it this way, on your own terms. But, it’s not happening, Keith. I’m staying right here,” Lance promised.

It took a long time for Keith to calm down, to let everything out. Lance stayed patient, occasionally whispering soft reassurances until Keith’s sobs finally settled down and his breathing evened out. Keith finally let go and stood back, he scrubbed the back of his hand under his nose, and Lance was definitely smitten because he found that endearing rather than a little gross. Keith tried to smile, but it was wobbly at best. He looked up at Lance with such fondness and it warmed Lance’s heart. 

“I’m sorry,” Keith told him, “I’ve been a shitty boyfriend lately.”

“Yeah, but I love you, so it’s cool,” Lance shrugged, wanted to put the worst behind them.

“Just like that, huh?” Keith smiled tenderly and reached a hand up to push Lance’s hair back.

“What? Did you  _ want _ to grovel?” Lance teased, and Keith loved him. “I know things have been hard for you, I know your communication skills suck, so, yeah, I forgive you.”

“You’re too good to me.”

Lance scoffed, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Keith chuckled a little breathlessly, amazed at how Lance could make him feel so much better so effortlessly. Lance had this way about him, direct and truthful and loyal. Lance didn’t see the point in saying things he didn’t mean. Keith needed someone like Lance to keep him in line, someone who wasn’t afraid to call him out on his shit. Keith knew that he could trust whatever Lance said to him, because Lance often said things as he thought them, no filter, no processing. Lance’s sincerity was his most prevalent and admirable trait, at least Keith thought so.

“So, leader, huh?” Lance ventured after a quiet moment.

Keith groaned and allowed his head to fall forward to rest on Lance’s shoulder. “Don’t remind me.”

“C’mon, it’s not that bad. You can do this. Shiro believed in you. The black lion believes in you. It’s not forever. It’s only until we defeat the Galra or find Shiro, whichever comes first.” Lance tried to placate.

Keith held his gaze for a prolonged moment. “Do you really think we’ll find him?” 

“I hope so. We can’t give up. Right now, the mission is what matters, but that doesn’t mean Shiro isn’t still out there.” Lance reasoned.

“So, what you’re saying is, I need to suck it up and get the job done?” Keith summarized, but Lance could tell he wasn’t offended.

“Pretty much, yeah. It’s a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it, and until further notice, that someone’s you.” 

“I just want this to be over,” Keith sighed. 

“We all do. The sooner we win this war, the better.”

\--

That sentiment became somewhat of a mantra for Keith. He carried around the belief that they’d find Shiro eventually, they had to. He wasn’t replacing, he was standing in. That made sense, after all, he had been Shiro’s right hand. Of course the black lion would select him when considered from that perspective. Though he knew he’d miss Red, and had been comfortable in his role as Shiro’s second, Shiro wasn’t around right now, and he needed to step up. He needed to make Shiro proud.

Both Keith and Lance were in better spirits. Clearing the air between them had lifted a weight from their shoulders, given them one less thing to worry about. They knew now more than ever that they were in this together, and it brought a small measure of comfort in such trying times. Things hadn’t entirely gone back to the way they were before the battle with Zarkon, but it was definitely progress. They’d never been all that affectionate in public, but they were in private, sometimes overly so. They were both riddled with insecurities and self-doubts and had often found solace in each other.

One of Keith’s biggest flaws was his tendency to dive head-first into anything. Of course, this in itself did have it’s merits - he was quick on his feet, reactive under pressure, didn’t shy away from a challenge. But, it more often than not got him neck-deep in trouble. Perhaps Keith’s reckless behaviour was a result of his belief that he had nothing to lose, but he didn’t ever like to ponder the whys and hows for very long. Overthinking led nowhere good.

Keith had always been an all or nothing guy. He didn’t do things in half measures. He’d avoided the role of leader for as long as he could, now there was no where left to run. It was time to face it. And true to form, he intended to face it head-on.

It was just his luck that his first outing as leader was a set-up. He’d led his team - disorganized and ill-prepared - straight into a trap. _ Zarkon had a son _ . This war was far from over. On top of that bombshell, Keith hadn’t anticipated how different flying the black lion would be. He was an accomplished pilot, was often regarded the best and most daring among them, he wasn’t used to not being in control of a vessel. And his decision making skills had always left a lot to be desired. He reacted to things as they happened, he rarely planned ahead. The team was in shambles.

Meanwhile, all of Lance’s insecurities came rocketing back. He’d often worried that he didn’t contribute enough, and now his own lion seemed to be shunning him. He felt a lead weight in his chest, Keith was yelling frantically for him over the comms, and Lance couldn’t let the team know how close he was to losing it. He wanted so badly to be out there beside them, proving himself, and Blue wouldn’t give him the opportunity. He should never have taken her for granted.

When Red roared for him, Lance immediately rejected the concept. He couldn’t help but still think of Red as  _ Keith’s _ lion. He knew how much she meant to his boyfriend, and he was not interested in taking anything from Keith, he’d already lost so much. He knew that Keith would not be happy about  _ anyone _ becoming Red’s new paladin. It being Lance would feel like a betrayal. But ultimately, Lance had to practise what he preached, get the job done. This wasn’t about him, or Keith. 

When Lance finally joined the others, a little overwhelmed by Red’s speed and agility, he was struck with admiration for just how adept a pilot Keith really was. It had been confirmed multiple times that Red was the most difficult lion to tame, but Red believed in him, so he had to believe in himself. The concern in Keith’s voice, the agitation for Red’s well-being irritated Lance a little. Though the lions were heavily armoured and the pilot rarely felt any real pain from impact, Lance would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little miffed that Keith seemed to care more about  _ Red _ than he did about _ him _ . On Keith’s part, there was a strange anxiety that fizzed in his gut at the thought of losing Red to  _ anyone _ . He had become oddly possessive. He was a possessive person by nature, growing up the way he had, he had a tendency to latch onto things that were his, things he held dear, because he really didn’t have all that much. However, his possessiveness hadn’t ever really extended to people - until Lance. The idea that Red could get hit and the blow would impact both her  _ and _ Lance simultaneously had Keith gritting his teeth. But, ultimately, he trusted Lance more than almost anyone, and he knew that Red saw in him what Keith did himself. They had always been so in sync. Yet, this entire ordeal was only going from bad to worse.

“Oh, fly your own lion, Keith!” Lance reminded indignantly, direct as always. Keith repeated his mantra:  _ the mission is what matters. This isn’t forever. _

_ \-- _

They were no closer to getting their act together when Lotor’s forces spontaneously retreated. The team was so busy riding the high of this apparent victory that it wasn’t until they were safe back in the castle that the reality of what had happened hit them. Keith was skeptical. Lotor had had the means and opportunity to take them out, they’d even dived head-first into his trap. So, why back off? Keith theorized that perhaps Lotor hadn’t intended to destroy them, was simply doing a little re-con, wanted to assess their skills for himself. In that case, they needed to take him off guard, not give him the chance to formulate a plot and put what he’d learnt to good use. The sooner they took out Lotor, the soon the war was over. The sooner they could dedicate their time to finding Shiro. The sooner they wouldn’t have to depend on Voltron, and the team wouldn’t have to depend on Keith.

Lance found Keith then, seething silently, overcome with frustration and self-doubt and impatience over how badly thinks had gone. Keith met Lance’s eyes as he entered, and some of the tension bled out of his frame. “I can’t fucking do this,” He breathed.

Lance sat down beside him, reached a hand out to slide over Keith’s thigh. “Keith, none of us could’ve known how difficult it would be with the change in paladins. There’s so much you don’t know about Black, or me about Red, and Allura about Blue.” Lance tried to placate. “Could we have used a test-run beforehand?  _ Yeah _ . But there wasn’t time. That distress call was urgent and it fooled us all. We did our best, we did the only thing we could do.”

“I’m just so fucking tired, Lance.” Keith’s head fell into his hands. “I’m no good at this.”

“Hey,  _ no one _ gets things perfect first time. Cut yourself some slack. Try again. Next time it’ll be better.” Lance squeezed Keith’s knee once before letting go.

Keith tried to let go of his remaining tension, and he glanced at Lance briefly, hoping to change topic. “So, Red, huh?” He tried, “It’s a good colour on you.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s a little surreal to think about. I mean, I was the first of us to get my lion, and the fact that we were all playing musical chairs with them today, I don’t know, it just kinda made me question everything we thought we knew about what it means to be a paladin.”

Keith smiled. “You’ll do fine. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re my second in command. You keep me grounded.”

Lance winked, and placed a loud, playful smooch to Keith’s temple. “We all know you’d be lost without me.”

Keith chuckled to himself, shaking his head in fond amusement. “You just keep telling yourself that.”

Lance smiled a little wistfully for a moment and sighed. “I think I’m gonna go say goodbye to Blue. I’m gonna miss her. But, think about what I said, okay? Try again. Keep trying. We have a job to do.”

When the doors shut behind his boyfriend, Keith contemplated their conversation. He thought about the holes in Lotor’s logic, how the entire encounter just didn’t  _ sit right.  _ It was like he’d been toying with them. They couldn’t just sit around and wait for Lotor to build a strategy. They had to go after him, they had to deal with this on their own terms, or not at all. He was suddenly overwhelmingly relieved he’d placed the tracker, it had been a spur of the moment move, but it was sure to reap positive results.  _ Try again. _

It wasn’t long before Coran’s flustered voice came over the speaker, announcing Keith’s departure. Allura looked to Lance, who shrugged a little helplessly. “Don’t ask me, I have no idea what he’s thinking.”

Keith’s voice came over the line, hard as steel and deadly serious, intent on his goal. “You wanted me to lead voltron? This is how I lead.”

\--

Keith was so determined to make up for what he felt was a monstrous mistake. The others were unsure, still feeling a little uneasy after their previous altercation with Lotor and his goons. They weren’t afraid to voice their concerns. Lance, however, was the only one who called Keith out directly, acknowledged this as Keith’s error in judgement. They were all thinking the same thing, yet each of them danced around it, except Lance. Keith had always been a hothead, that was no surprise, but dealing with Keith’s brash choices on top of their inability to pilot their lions and confronted with an enemy who seemed to revel in messing with them? Disaster was imminent. 

The more that the fight wore on, the more they failed to gain the upper hand, the more frustrated everyone became. And still, Lance was the only one who told Keith outright.  The realization that they were unable to form Voltron despite having five functioning lions, really shouldn’t have been surprising. They were  _ not  _ a unit right now.

Keith’s desperation to take Lotor out by any means necessary as soon as possible was becoming more and more obvious, and more and more detrimental to the team. They couldn’t keep this up much longer. Despite the various warnings from his teammates, Keith was far too stubborn, too set on his target. He just needed this to be over. He just wanted Lotor to pay. No matter what the others said, despite their well-founded concerns, none of it was enough to sway Keith.

“Keith, we have to go back for Allura,” Lance’s voice sounded, shaky with static through the tenuous radio connection. Keith pushed forward, gunned faster.

“Keith, you’re splitting up the team!” Lance again, more urgent this time. Keith wavered, his lips turned down at the corners, a furrow formed in his brow. Once this was all said and done, the team would understand, right? He began to wonder.

“Keith!  _ Don’t do this! _ ” It was the plea in Lance’s voice that finally did Keith in. It was that same desperate sound he’d heard before, the exact same phrasing that had stopped Keith from sabotaging the best thing that ever happened to him. 

Keith growled, unwilling to lose sight of his target but finally able to see through his rage enough to recognize he’d taken things too far. It wasn’t supposed to go down this way. He doubled back, and Lance made it clear how important it had been to do so. After a brief regrouping, they were off again, still as intent as ever to put an end to this. Even as the team began to separate, even as Lotor proved further and further that he would not be taken down easily. Eventually, it became clear that once again, Lotor had led them into a trap, had been toying with them the whole time, and Keith had fallen for it,  _ again.  _ Every move they made only served to make their situation worse. It was starting to look hopeless. Soon, they were flung apart, blind and outgunned and unable to communicate.

\--

Keith and Lance were the first to find each other. All of the fight seeped out of Keith at the sight of Red. This was all his fault. He’d done this. He’d lost his team and they were being herded like cattle and there didn’t seem to be a way out of this at all. If it had been anyone other than Lance, maybe Keith would have found the self-preservation to retain his composure. But he couldn’t. 

“Everyone warned me, but I didn’t listen. I put the entire team in jeopardy.” Keith’s voice was whisper soft, heavy with guilt and close to breaking.

“Yeah, you kinda did.” Lance responded, honest, upfront. He never let Keith get away with anything. Keith didn’t need an enabler, he needed a boyfriend who challenged him, made him want to be the best version of himself. “But, now we gotta fix it.” Lance’s voice was serious, this was important and he needed Keith to know he wasn’t in this alone. “And, for the record, you do know that when I said we needed to  _ try again _ , I didn’t mean you should try  _ the exact same thing over again and expect something different? _ Definition of insanity, Keith.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Keith whispered. “Being the right hand suits you.”

Lance snorted, “Because I’m the only one you listen to, and even then it’s touch and go.”

They stayed close, searched for a long time. The smog was dense and intimidating. With each passing minute without sight of the other lions, Keith’s guilt grew in intensity. As in tune with one another as they were now, Lance could tell how badly Keith was beating himself up.

“Keith, stop. Don’t let your head go to all those places. We’ll find them.” Lance vowed.

“Like we found Shiro?” Keith scoffed, his self-deprecation evident.

“Keith…” Lance trailed off, unaware of how to console, wishing they were anywhere but on this gas planet so he could hold Keith close. 

“I’m so sorry,” Keith murmured and it was as if he was apologizing for everything all at once.

  
Before Lance could think up the words to comfort him, a light was fast approaching through the haze. Allura had found them, had taken on Lotor one on one, had taken leaps and bounds in her ability to pilot blue, faster than any of the other paladins had ever done. For the first time, Keith felt like this could really work, that though Shiro’s absence would always be felt,  _ maybe _ , just maybe they could get by without him. And when they were finally,  _ finally _ able to form Voltron, it felt like they could do more than get by. It felt like they could win.


End file.
